Marianne: Review: Gaultier for Target (the HORROR)

I figured I would start this baby out with some good old fashioned humiliation. Sure, I've got a cheap trenchcoat review stashed away, and my outfit of the day, but don't you want to see me wearing the dress that made me make this face?
Oh, Gaultier. Oh, Target. This is truly a tragic collaboration. The materials are positively FLAMMABLE and the designs? The designs are...okay, I'm just going to bite the bullet and do this.
You guys, this is bad. Let's put aside the fabric, which feels like it should be an umbrella and has a leprous, puckery texture that made my skin crawl. This dress has a crinoline that starts right under the boobs. Right. Under. The. Boobs. Now, I think even a skinny minnie like Adrien would look like she was a mile wide with awful crinoline coming out from her underwires. The back of this dress was so wildly unflattering that I couldn't even take a picture. Apparently I do have a limit. After wearing this for about 90 seconds, I was overcome with a wave of depression. My special lady time started today and thanks to Target I am already weeping.

Not content to stop there, I decided to try on one more Gaultier for Target piece. And, much to my surprise, it wasn't awful. Now, this dress is not for me. I did not care for lingerie-inspired looks before I had a postpartum body to dress and having an extra 5 pounds of skin on my stomach has not changed that. But the color was really pretty and I could see someone younger and more willing to tolerate artificial fibers making this work. The pintuck detailing along the bottom was cute and it was form-fitting without being sausage-y. I'm wearing a Large here, which seems right since the GO: International lines always seem to run small.

There is a treasure trove of Bad Ideas in this line but I just didn't have it in me to try on any more. Just one dress had completely sapped me of my Will To Shop and left me sweaty and aggravated. I'm very curious to who ends up liking this line, and how they style it, because I lack the vision to see anything other than sad fabrics that you can't stand too near a candle in.

Oh my god, I can't believe I just put all of these pictures on the Internet. I think I have something wrong with me.