Some People, I Swear.

M: BLASÉ

photo: Garance Dore

A: Oh...this old thing? I don't know. I just found it in the bottom of my closet, dusted it off and... whatever. I don't really care about bags.

M: Okay, yes, I'm smoking? But haven't you heard? If you are French smoking makes you live longer. Take a deep breath. I smell like lilacs.

A: Oh, its Hermès I suppose. Aren't all bags Hermès? I wouldn't really know. My lips are très CHIC.

M: Really, fashion is so pedestrian, non? I stole this coat from a fisherman I took as a lover.

A: Sorry, this is funny and all, but I can't pretend I'm not completely appalled by the condition of that Kelly bag. What the HELL did she do to that thing?

A: Also, her cheekbones make me angry.

M: Yes, let's drop the charade. I don't see how a bag ends up like that. Does she sit on it in the subway? Who am I kidding, she doesn't ride the subway.

M: Also, I am really tired of winter street style shots from New York where coats are left open and sleeves are jauntily pushed up. IT IS COLD.

A: She probably inherited it. I hate people who's grandmas are like, "Honey, do you want this old Hermès thingy?" I'll bet she had a pony named Sparkles and didn't even ride it.

M: She hated that dumb old pony.

A: With those stupid cheekbones.

M: And her stupid freaking lipstick.

A: Poor Sparkles. He deserved better.

M: What color do you think that is? I want.

A: Probably Chanel. No, definitely Chanel. But she'd lie and say it came from "some apothecary."

M: NO, she'd lie and say "WHAT LIPSTICK?"

A: WHY IS SHE SO STUCK UP. GOD.

M: Do you think she would show me how to push my sleeves up like that?

A: She would if her arms weren't frozen in place. Wait, no. She wouldn't. Also, you can't ride Sparkles.

M: Well, this is just starting to hurt my feelings. I'm going to look at Scott Speedman instead:

Aaah, there. That's more like it.