Viscountess of Vulva

A: I keep looking at this and cracking up:

M: Seriously, you know those bitches know how to party.

A: They are going to be doing keg stands in those hats.

M: I'm pretty sure Beatrice's doubles as a bottle opener or beer bong of some sort. Eugenie will CUT YOU, however.

A: You do NOT want to get between that girl and her Jager, trust me. Bee can open a sixpack of long necks with that hat.

M: I think they would be really fun. I bet they have all the good gossip, too.

Also, I think Philip Treacy is going through his Vulva Period.

A: You are killing me.

M: I'm just saying:

A: Wow, yeah, there definitely seems to be a... theme there.

M: What is he, a freshman Fine Arts major?

A: Yes, one who just discovered Georgia O'Keefe.

M: He just really likes flowers, OKAY?

M: Hmmmm...

I think we are on to something.

A: Goodness.

M: Sigh. Now I'm all sad that I'm not in any sort of Royal Family. Tell me, how is that fair?

A: I KNOW. I want to get invited to the kind of weddings that require vulva hats and the Beckhams.

M: Me too! And just one tiara. One! And maybe a lady in waiting.

A: Well, and I want to ride in a carriage with Prince Harry. I DON'T THINK IT'S TOO MUCH TO ASK.

M: Really, you're being quite reasonable.

A: So are you. I think we'd make great royalty.

M: I would say "Duh", but that's not ladylike.

A: * curtsy*

M: *curtsy back*

Adrien: Color, I Haz It.

Just playing around with my new bag! I need a belt. The end.

dress: BCBG (here in green)

shoes: Pink Studio (similar)

cardigan: Banana Republic

bag: LV Epi Speedy (similar)

Only in the Pictures.

Okay, remember this?

M: How do people get their sleeves all perfectly pushed up like in that picture you linked to? It seems the second you move or unbend your arms it would mess up. Is it just one of those things that only works in the world of still photography?

A: I have no idea.

M: I want to see a real person pull this off without constantly having to adjust the sleeves. I think that person should be you.

A: Oh jesus, that looks hard.

M: BLOG ENTRY.

A: RIGHT.

So, this is my starting point. I want to say that I think this might be my favorite outfit, like, ever.

I start pushing:

I keep a-pushing. So much pushing:

OW. This is me being mad because the circulation is being cut off in both my arms:

Success! My fingers are turning blue, but I did it:

Now I must try to copy the photo exactly:

Notice that my right sleeve is already falling down. I think you have to have bony sparrow arms to really pull this off. Even still: Not comfy.

Marianne seems to have had much less trouble. Look how effortless:

And her fingers aren't even blue! Ugh. But, the comment that accompanied the photo: "Those sleeves won't stay pushed up for shit."

This is what she ended up wearing that day:

Conclusion: Those fashion photos are big fat liars.

Adrien: Spring Inspiration. Or...not.

I subscribe to the following: Lucky, Vogue, Harper's Bazaar. I've been less fond of Lucky since the editorial change over, I find Harper's Bazaar pretty but boring as shit to read, and Vogue has the BEST photo editorials but oh my God, the articles are completely ass-kissy. (How am I only just now realizing this?)

So, spring inspiration has been a little hard to come by and I thought maybe a stroll through some stores would help. First I went to Anthropologie and struggled to find anything to try on and I was there for an hour. All adorable, it's just not me anymore. I finally found this and it's so cute on the hanger...



...so tragic on me. I do like it quite a lot, I just wish it actually fit. I also tried on these because YELLOW:




And they are beastly. So uncomfortable. I'd walked through Saks earlier (to get to Anthropologie! I swear.) and wouldn't let myself look too closely at the clothing but oh, the colors were great! Lots of saturated colors and good prints. I also saw this which I don't need at all but I want A LOT:




I also noticed a lot of small, bright crossbody bags:







(Which makes me even happier that I fought so hard to get Saks to deliver on our Percys.)

I did a quick spin through Gap (meh) and then stopped by Banana Republic.

Oh my God.

People? It is TRAGIC UP IN THERE. I want to find the person who greenlighted that mess and punch her (him?) right in the nose. Everything. Is Ruffled. Everything. Also: the color of sadness is the offical BR Palette of Spring. They really don't want me to buy things ever again, I guess. Please observe:

Um.




Seriously, what the crap is this:




There are no words:




This makes me want to DIE:




Now I'm just mad.

Misuse of Animal Print.

M: I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THESE SHORTS

source: Sartorialist

A: I...Wait. I. What? NO.

M: Not to mention the one on the left lost her arm in a boating accident and might be a Fashion Torso now.

A: PUT YOUR ARMS IN YOUR SLEEVES PLEASE.

The shorts. They are...shiny? Or am I going blind?

M: They are very, very shiny. So shiny they distract from the SHIRT.

A: Ah! I didn't even notice the shirt! It's made of...garbage bags?

M: I feel like nothing is breathable...her lady bits are suffocating.

A: She's gonna get an infection. But on the plus side: waterproof!

M: On the minus: flammable! Or worse, melty.

A: She should not stand near any open flames. Or in direct sunlight.

M: My pits are sweating just looking at her. Seriously.

A: And wow, I'm not so sure about shiny animal print shorts with giant hip cargo pockets. Why?

M: They are pretty high waisted, too. I feel like I need someone in fashion to explain this to me.

A: Maybe there's a class or workshop?

M: Who do you think teaches it? Anna Dello Russo, I'm betting.

A: Ugh, or Alexa Whatsherface.

M: Well screw that, I'm not going.

A: I'll go if I get a bag named after me.

M: Hmph. Maybe. But it might look like those shorts and now we've come full circle.

A: Wait! I think that exists already:

http://www.mulberry.com

M: NO!

http://stylefrizz.com/201010/mulberry-bags-for-target/

A: Oh, those were so terrible. Such a grave disappointment.

M: Sad little plastic bags.

Adrien: Sandal Envy.

I am feeling the need for new shoes, specifically, new spring sandals to go with my Issa dress. I went to the mall last weekend and scoured Nordstrom, Dillards, Macys, Saxon Shoes (a local store of insanity) and a few other places. I came away empty-handed and frustrated. I saw a few cute styles, but not in the colors I wanted and most of the really cute ones were too high for all-day wearing. I don't mind a heel, but I don't want to be hobbling at the end of the day, you know? Ugh.

I've been envious of Marianne's Miz Mooz Hazel sandals since she bought them last year, so I went to investigate what they might have now that's similar. The first one that made me gasp - the Hype sandal. I am loving the clog-y feel and the buckle:


I also love the similar Renee sandal:


The Heather is also in the same family and very tempting:


And dang, how cute is the Lyla wedge? Red! Probably too high for me, but I love:


And the Yvonne wedge in green, which looks a bit more manageable, height-wise:



Ahh! So many good possibilities. Now I'm confused.

Marianne: Outgoing.

There was a time when I went "out" a lot. I was young, and a bartender in New York, and that was what you did. You went out. But now? Well, I haven't really been "out" in ages. Months. Quite possibly years. But the other night, I got my hair did and spackled on some makeup and bought myself a $7 shirt and I. Went. Out.

I left the kiddo at home with her dad and went to dinner and then to a terribly smoky bar with some girlfriends. To be honest, the smoky bar was a bummer. I felt like it took a year off my life. But otherwise, it was fun, even if I was home by midnight. Back in the day I wasn't even heading out for the night at midnight. Ah.
Check out my snazzy bracelet. I made that. Yeah. Don't worry, I'll tell you all about it later.
top: Gap Pleated Drape Top (on sale for $6.98 at my store!)

jeans: Hudson Supermodel

rhinestone bracelet: Target (similar here)

shoes: Miz Mooz Hazel (similar style here)

bag: Marc by Marc Jacobs Totally Turnlock Percy