Girlfriend Chinos.

A: It's my Special Rage Time and this just made me laugh and laugh:

source: The Sartorialist

M: Adrien, be nice to my new boyfriend. He's very sensitive.

A: Right, but he's wearing your Cropped Boyfriend Chinos. The name is confusing him.

M: Wearing my clothes helps him feel closer to me. At least that's what he tells me when I catch him wearing my underwear.

A: What did he tell you when you caught him with that bowl on his head? You could've stopped that haircut, dude.

M: I don't want to make him cry again. God, with the crying.

A: Maybe he's crying because you let him go out of the house like that?

M: I couldn't wait for him to leave. It gives me a chance to pack. Did I mention the crying?

A: So, what does he have in that briefcase? Not briefs, I'm guessing.

M: Barbies.

A: Oh, does he have a play date with the rest of the Little Rascals?

M: He and Harness Goth have challenged Anna Della Russo to a game of Stickball.

A: Are they going to use a Birkin instead of a ball?

M:

A: OH COME ON THAT IS RIDICULOUS.

M: ?

M: Sorry, I have fallen into a luxury sporting goods wormhole.

A: How filthy rich do you have to be to even consider Chanel tennis balls a good purchase?

M: God, I don't know. I picture P. Diddy throwing them to his dogs or something.

A: Oh. Wow. Yeah. Crying.

M: Which leads me to this:

Which makes me need to go lie down for a nice long rest. FOREVER.

A: I think we need to break up.

M: I'm sorry.

A: Please leave.