Schadentrousers.

source: http://fromme-toyou.tumblr.com/

M: Is there a German word for simultaneously wanting to attend something yet also hating every single person that is there?

A: YES. My train of thought was, "Ooohh, I wish I could go to that...but I think I hate those people."

M: Schadentrousers? I don't know. I want a pretty hat and red lipstick.

A: Schadenhipster? I used to have to dress up like a flapper for my movie theater job in college. I'll admit I loved it. A lot.

M: I bet you were just darling. I wore sundresses and flip flops and pretended to sell boys backpacks in college.

A: I worked it HARD. I'm a little sad that I don't have a single photo as evidence.

M: That is kind of tragic. How can it be??

A: I didn't own a camera, for one thing. Also, who takes photos of themselves at work? It just never occurred to me.

M: If I dressed like a flapper for work I am pretty sure I would have taken pictures of myself every day. But then again I have no long term memory and can't remember not having digital cameras. Nope.

A: Yeah, this was back in the, um, a long time ago. I also worked in a vintage clothing store part time and remember one outfit in particular that involved a cream coat with a fur collar. I wore it to take tickets at the door. It was the most glamorous thing I've ever worn.

M: You are adorable.

A: Man, I had no idea. Youth is wasted on the young.

M: Now it's all "Let's watch Country Strong and drink wine out of a box!"

A: Hey, that's fun too! I wish I'd watched that disaster with you. And a box of wine.

M: Man, me too. I so didn't see that ending coming.

A: I didn't either! I was all, I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY WENT THERE.

And oh god, the bird in a box? DEEP.

M: Here, sit still while I BEAT YOU OVER THE HEAD WITH THIS METAPHOR. I mean, bird in a box.

A: WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN.

M: You read the Go Fug Yourself recap, right? I have actually had to stop myself from saying "Bull TRUE" to someone at work.

A: Oh, yeah I did, but not until after I sat through that trainwreck of a movie.

M: You know, I still like Gwyneth.

A: I know you do. It's okay.

M: Her hair is so pretty! I am weak.

A: I kind of liked the semi-spangley red dress she wore towards the end. There was also a frighteningly short short short dress she wore up on stage that was all, "Lord. I hope she's wearin' pannies."

M: This one? Yeah.

A: Oh yeah, that is the one.

M: Well, I'm sure she's wearing panties. Nice ones. Man, why did you have to bring up Gwyneth's underwear and attract all the weirdos?

A: BOOTS. She's wearing boots too!

M: Why hello, boot fetish people. It's been a while.