Wow! The SHobbit posted this morning that he's looking for an assistant and we both got really excited. Then Marianne and I read the job description and were both like, "...Huh. That doesn't seem very accurate."
So, because we're super go-getter types, we decided to rewrite it for him. Because that shows gumption, right? Here's the original version. Now, here's our much more awesome version (our additions are in red text):
The SHobbit studio is seeking a full-time personal
assistant for Scott Schuman. Candidates should be a size zero and able to reach the top
shelf of my closet. I have sweaters up there, I think.
Administrative
Responsibilities:
-Handle
all email communications on behalf of Scott Schuman. I'm like, rilly, rilly popular
-Schedule
appointments, interviews, conference calls, and meetings but not with
other bloggers, ew
-Manage
extensive domestic and foreign travel arrangements, including Fashion Week
travel and show requests but please don't think you're going with me. Plebe
-Liaise
with accountant on studio financials and invoices. I make a lot of money and am pretty
good at The Sex
-Prioritize
and manage multiple projects simultaneously; get used to being yelled at in rage
-Oversee
projects from inception to completion, especially if project involves heights
Studio
Responsibilities:
-Manage
imagery and inventory of short pants
-Maintain
photographic equipment on high shelves
-Miscellaneous
studio organization from waist-height up
This
position also offers the opportunity to become involved in digital advertising, but not
involving magazines, I mean PLEASE. Experience
with a
bunch of techy stuff I think makes me sounds smart will be viewed as an asset.
Qualifications:
-Bachelor’s
Degree
-Extremely
organized and quick learner, ability to hem pants
-Be a size zero and at least 6' tall
-Really, just be a model
-Seriously. And don't wear yoga pants. Or denim shorts for the
love of god
-Previous
experience as an assistant or in the fashion industry is not required, but is
highly valued especially if you worked for someone I'm completely jealous
of, like Tavi
The
SHobbit offers competitive compensation in the form of tiny wine
glasses, backhanded compliments, and shoe lifts. Candidates MUST be based in New York.
Best.Post.Ever. You win. The end.
ReplyDeleteHysterical! More disturbing than the original job post are all the comments. Dream job!?! Really!?! Way to shoot for the stars people!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the laugh - it really made my day!
ReplyDeleteUh, hello???? How did you miss this?
ReplyDeleteCandidates should be self-motivated and able to work within an extremely fast-paced, collaborative, SMALL studio ENVIRONMENT. This is SO obviously SHobbit-speak for this:
http://madshobbithole.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/111.jpg?w=450&h=337
Who is this guy? He looks a bit like Lance Armstrong...
ReplyDeleteSolid gold.
ReplyDelete