M: The Gooper is telling us to be punk. And also wear pastels. And OMG THE SATIN SHORTS AND BELLY SHIRT CAN WE DISCUSS?
A: Shall I give you a rundown of my emotional state for each outfit?
M: Please do, I'll pop popcorn.
A: #1 Okay. Okay, I'm okay. I'm okay.
M: #1 What's the opposite of punk? Gwyneth Paltrow.
A: #2 I am definitely not okay. I like the bag?
M: #2 I think that bag is stupidly tiny and also she is dressed as an Easter egg.
A: #3 I am confused. I like all the parts, not on her. My head hurts.
M: #3 Confession: this is probably the only outfit I would wear out of all of these.
M: I'm so excited for #4.
A: #4 WHAT IS HAPPENING.
...mommy?
M: #4 WHERE ARE YOU GOING IN THIS OUTFIT? I MEAN IT, WHERE?
A: NOTHING MAKES SENSE.
M: I WANT EVIDENCE THAT SHE WORE THIS OUT. FOR A FANCY OCCASION. LIAR!
A: WHAT KIND OF "NIGHTTIME OCCASION" PALTROW?
M: CRACK SMOKING?
A: YES. CLEARLY.
M: SHALL WE MOVE ON TO #5 BECAUSE I COULD GO ALL DAY.
A: #5 Makes me feel normal and sane comparatively.
M: #5 Except for the part where you wear a skirt that makes you look naked for a casual evening at home. Otherwise toooootally normal.
A: I feel queasy again.
M: There there. Let's keep moving.
A: #6 Positively cheering! I might go out for a walk.
M: #6 It's fine. The color of a dirty bandaid, but fine.
A: #7 WEEPING. LAUGHING. WEEPING. LAUGHING.
M: #7 Gwyneth Paltrow you just stop it this instant. You would never wear this IN YOUR LIFE YOU LYING LIAR.
M: P.S. I'll take the bag.
A: SHE THINKS SHE'S A FASHION BLOGGER.
A: #8 Please commit me. That sweatshirt she linked costs $675. SIX HUNDRED. SEVENTY FIVE. DOLLARS.
M: #8 The top says "trust fund baby slumming it". The bottom says "unwashed Phish concertgoer".
A: I just can't. I can't. I can't. I CANNOT.
M: Oh, but the sweatshirt is grosgrain-trimmed! Surely that makes it worth it.
A: It's COTTON. NOT EVEN CASHMERE.
M: Tooooootally worth it.
A: Padded room, please.
M: Stars, they're just like us!
My God, I love you two.
ReplyDeleteI love you guys. I am shocked but I would wear #3 head to toe. Once I find a sugar daddy---hey maybe #4 will help with that.
ReplyDeleteBoyfriend jeans are so sad. I want but I know I must not; Goopy adequately demonstrates the sadness. Yick.
Loooove you two. The color of a dirty band-aid? I am dying.
ReplyDeleteThe jeans in #1 make my brain hurt, as do the shorts in #2 and the case in #3. #4 just makes me not want to live on this planet anymore, but if I go can I take the shoes? I liked #6 until I read your comment and now that's all I can think about when I look at it so it's right out.
ReplyDeleteMarianne ruined #6 for me as well.
DeleteSorry! (not sorry)
DeleteIt's official. I hate her in everything.
ReplyDeleteYou guys have been posting! This is off topic, but ever since I moved to bloglovin a few days ago, I haven't seen your posts in my feed. I tried to add you again, but it said that the blog could not be found. Just wanted to let you guys know in case other people are migrating to bloglovin and having this problem.
ReplyDeleteOn topic, these outfits are horrible. On her at least.
Oh noooo. We switched to a URL a few weeks ago and it should redirect from the blogger address. I'm not sure if that's the problem, but thanks for letting us know!
DeleteOhhhh OK. I tried adding your blog using the blogspot URL instead, and that did the trick! Thanks!
DeleteCan. Not. Breathe.
ReplyDeleteI'm SO GLAD you posted this! Finally ... a mom that dresses JUST LIKE I DO!!
ReplyDeleteWhy do I hate her so much? It could be the $675 sweatshirt?
ReplyDeleteNo, it is just her. Sigh.
Those pajama pants in 8 are $1700. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? That is like, rent. Or 140 pairs of Old Navy drawstring PJ pants - and their pants have adorable sheep and such on them. Gwenny's out o'touch.
ReplyDeleteWhat, $1700? One thousand seven hundred dollars? Are you sure you didn't mess up a decimal place there?
DeleteEdited to add: Ok, sorry I doubted you, they are indeed $1700. "Silk for slouching" indeed.