Hi.
A lot of you (so many!) have kindly, gently, insistently asked after me over the past...almost two years now. Almost two years since my life took a detour. Off a cliff.
In those almost two years, I've been writing. I've written so much, most of it on the tiny screen of my phone, that will never see the light of day. I've written about weight gain and loss, about hospital food, about the sheer audacity of hope, but I haven't written about fashion. I haven't set the camera up in front of that giant orange painting hanging in my dining room. And I'm not going to lie to you guys: I'm probably not going to get back to it.
Not that I don't love fashion. In fact, if anything, I love it even more now. I've never been more sure of my personal style and more pleased with the contents of my closet. But, beyond sharing outfit selfies on Instagram (which I LOVE to do so really, go follow us there), I just can't do it. It's like my brain chemistry has changed. And, not gonna lie, my job is just ridiculously over the top bonkers and two kids and oof we are all lucky that I make it out the door with matching shoes on, let's be honest.
Here's the no duh statement of the century: when you go through something like your perfect 1-year-old baby being diagnosed with a rare cancer that has an 8% survival rate (EIGHT PERCENT WHAT EVEN), it changes you. I feel so wildly different on the inside that I keep trying to make my outsides match. Hair color. Ear piercings. A tattoo. But really, there's no matching my outsides to my insides.
These days life is pretty good. I still have the funny conversations with one of my best friends that you guys see here. My kids are thriving for the most part. My work has blown up and I'm busy but satisfied. We're chipping away at renovating our house. I still buy too many pairs of shoes and own too many pairs of jeans, but I'm good. We're all good.
If any of you reading are in situations that seem impossible, I'm living proof that you can get through it. People ask me almost daily, "How do you do it?" I wish the answer was something profound, but I almost always say "I just do." You just do. You do the hard things and you hope eventually it won't be so hard.
And then you buy some more shoes.
Oh Marianne, it's so good to see you, but it's even better to read this and know you're rocking life and so is your fabulous little boy and the rest of your fabulous family. <3
ReplyDeleteMarianne, I'm sure what you've written is powerful and remarkable, and you've got a reader if you ever feel comfortable sharing.
ReplyDeleteHey lady. I hear you--like you have a choice of "doing it". Hah! You just put one foot in front of the other and get through each minute of the day. What else would you do--start drinking, spend too much money, leave your family?! So you just do.
ReplyDeleteI also understand that the small things/silly things are less critical these days. You WILL emerge from this some day, and things will go forward. I know I feel grateful for every day and LOVE my life and the people in it (most of the time.LOL) Gratitude...keeps your feet on the ground and your head out of the clouds. Thanks for the post and GO HUGO!
So good to hear from you and about you.
ReplyDeleteSo good to hear from you and have an update. I think of you often and enjoy following on instagram. I am so so so glad your family beat those grim odds. Much love!!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for this post. Blessings to you and your family.
ReplyDeleteWonderful to see you! Thanks for checking in -- you didn't have to, you don't owe us, but I'm thrilled that you did. Much love to your family and to you!
ReplyDeleteMarianne, I watched you through that journey and you and Chris were amazing. Your faith and hope together with the fact that Hugo's recovery was a true miracle unfolding in real life for all to witness changed me forever. I now look for miracles every day and truly realize that they happen all around if we pay attention. Your strength has inspired me to push forward no matter what. No mountain is too high with faith and hope. Your family is a blessing to so many and for years you will hear about how you have inspired others. You will soar whatever direction you choose. XO
ReplyDeleteSo pleased to read that you and Baby (Toddler) Hugo are doing well. Blessings and best of everything to you and your resilient family.
ReplyDeleteIt is so nice to get an update! Sending lots of love.
ReplyDeleteYou look great and sound even better. Couldn't agree more with "I just do", simple and true.
ReplyDeleteIt is good to hear from you (and it's really awesome to hear you and yours are doing well)- but shallowly- lady, you look straight out of an Anthropologie photo shoot in this picture.
ReplyDeleteI am glad to hear an update from you and Hugo. I've followed this blog for a while and have thought of you recently with the birth of my daughter as she was born with vision loss. Its tough but I appreciate your outlook. "I just do!"
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