Marianne: I ordered six denim shirts *for science* and here's what happened.

A quick back story since this is going to be a long one. I am, as you might know, a tallish female human with big boobs and hips. And because I am a female human, I like to torture myself by wanting things that are hard to find for people with boobs and hips. There are several things on this list, but today we're talking button downs. More specifically, the "perfect" chambray denim shirt. I have bought so many denim shirts that miss the mark in one way or the other--too short, too tight at the hips, not the right weight. So this fall I decided to cast a wider net and order a variety of denim shirts from a variety of stores, including some I have never ordered from (and one I've never even heard of!). Want to join me on this journey? Giddy up.

THE ONE THE INTERNET SAYS IS THE BEST (the internet lies)

This J.Crew denim shirt LOOKS like it's perfect, right? In that way that J.Crew clothes always look perfect because they are on a gorgeous model, or laying flat on a white background, looking perfectly rumpled. I knew this one wouldn't work on me, but I also knew I had to try it for myself. After reading a lot of reviews, I ordered a Tall 14, and here it is on my body:

As you can see, it's tight across the hips, but the arms are weirdly huge. Also the pockets are a little small, which isn't very flattering if you have a large chest. I do like the wash and weight of this one, but the cut is all wrong on me. Back it goes.


THE ONE YOUR MOM BOUGHT

Okay, that's a little mean, but I honestly forgot Eddie Bauer existed? But like I said, I was casting a wide net here, so that meant ordering this denim shirt from them. I ordered a size large because it seems like their sizing is a bit more generous. And hey, I was kind of hopeful! Maybe this brand I'd forgotten about would cut things for a non-model body! Well...

This shirt depressed me. It is long, I'll give them that. But the side vents are really low, which accentuated my belly in a way that I haaaated. Overall it felt very frumpy. I could have sized up so it didn't pull at the hips, but then the top would be way too big. However if you are tall and straighter through the hips, this might be a great option on you, and the price is certainly right!


THE ONE THAT ISN'T DENIM

Always a glutton for punishment, I threw this J.Crew Factory chambray shirt into the mix. Because if the one that was twice as expensive didn't work, surely this cut rate redheaded stepchild one would?? When I opened the package I actually double checked the order because this really doesn't look like a denim or chambray shirt. The fabric os more of a woven texture. But how was the fit? 

Eh. I ordered an XL and the bottom button won't button. The shoulders and arms are cut better in this one, but the pocket is a little small and a little high, which again isn't cute if you have big boobs. And I wish the side vents were deeper because that's much easier to half tuck. But most importantly, it really doesn't read as a denim shirt in real life. 


THE ONE THAT ISN'T EVEN BLUE

This was a late night phone shopping order because I decided I needed to check Target. For whatever reason when you search "denim shirt" this is what comes up, and I ordered it without even looking at it all that closely. I guess I maybe thought it was *really* light blue? 

Nope. This is just a white shirt. HOWEVER, I am including it because I really like it! It's oversized (this is me in a size large), but cute and fits well. It buttons all the way down and has side vents (thank you!). I think it will be really cute with leggings and maybe a sweater blazer in the fall. I kept this one!


THE $7 ONE FROM A MYSTERY (TO ME) STORE

First off--I am sorry to say this shirt is sold out (this one is still in stock!), but I still wanted to include it. I have never heard of Maurices, but have since been told it's a fairly ubiquitous midwestern department store of sorts. While I was scouring the internet this short sleeved option popped up for a cool $7. I ordered it in two sizes because again, never heard of Maurices. Here I am in the size Large:

You guys this shirt is so great! It's a perfect weight, nice and long with with those deep side vents that are apparently very important to me, but it looks really cute half tucked. This shirt is everything I have always wanted a Madewell Central Shirt to be, but $7! I am giving the size XL away to a friend to share the love, because it's not really worth making the effort to return. MAURICES, WHO KNEW. 


THE WINNER THAT I NEVER WOULD HAVE PREDICTED

Guys, I KNOW. I am a grown ass human woman with big boobs and hips and I found the perfect shirt at ABERCROMBIE & FITCH. Do you need a moment, because I need a moment. I really was trying to branch out, and seeing as I still associate A&F with half naked models and that aggressive cologne and jeanz for teenz, yeah. I was pretty sure this was going to lead to heartbreak. But instead:

IT'S SO CUTE. It's so super soft, fits great (this is an XL), the pocket is big and the side vents are perfect, it's just honestly exactly what I was looking for. I just noticed I have the bottom button unbuttoned in these pics, but it comfortably buttons all the way down. It even looks cute tied at the waist over a dress. It's so soft! The wash and color are perfect! My search is freaking over!

If you hung with me through all of that, I salute you, but I also hope this was helpful. Sometimes you just need to put $300 worth of denim shirts on your credit card, drink some wine, and figure some shit out. Now to return all the rejects...